The Gift of Confidence

If I’m feeling low, I can often find myself focusing on negatives. I stew on things that I cannot change, usually from the past. I remember Natasha’s many A&E visits, mostly due to allergic asthma attacks. I remember weeks of missed school when her lungs were full of mucous and she was so poorly and struggling to get air into them.

I think back to how Natasha’s weight would fall off her tiny frame and how I would spend the following months trying to tempt her to regain her appetite with tasty home cooked treats. My heart breaks for her when as a little girl, she would come home from school and tell me that she didn’t have any friends. How she struggled at a young age to learn to read and was mortified when her teacher lost patience with her and as a result she told me that same day that she thought she wasn’t clever. How she missed out on so many invitations and celebrations because we knew it was unsafe for her to go.  How she was desperate to know what scrambled eggs tasted like but never would, her little brothers favourite food.

With so much current awareness of mental health issues, it is important to accept that living an ‘allergic life’ can at times be incredibly stressful. If we are parents of an allergic child, our own emotional relationship towards allergies will have a huge effect upon them.  As Natasha’s parents, we knew that we had to reign in our own anxieties because how we reacted, affected her directly. With so many issues to deal with from such an early age, we had to teach her to be extra vigilant, extra mature, extra sensible and more careful than her peers.  But confidence is not always easily won, it can be extremely fragile, blown away in the wind, lost in a second and can take years to get back.

So even though it’s normal to sometimes focus on the negatives, we knew that our role as parents was to build our little girl’s confidence.  Children are extremely watchful and take cues from us.  If we repeatedly tell them that they are amazing, brave, special, clever, kind and beautiful, they will believe us. It’s a precious gift all parents can give their children. We can teach them to be proud of who they are; give them positive experiences that have nothing to do with food, experiences that build confidence so that they can start embracing their own uniqueness. If allergies are a reason not to do something, find something ‘better’ that will be even more enjoyable instead. Teach them NEVER to be ashamed of their allergies but to advocate for themselves and in turn they will also be advocating for others.

The maturity gained from being allergic is never lost.  But knowing that you are their biggest fan, that you will fight for them at every turn until they are ready to take up the mantle for themselves, understanding that they can come to you with any worry or problem and you will not judge but listen, makes for better communication especially during those sometimes difficult teenage years.  Teach them never be afraid to speak up, their voice is important and has a right to be heard. They should be proud and confident of who they are.

Remember, behind every confident child or young person, is a parent who believed first.