It shouldn't be this hard...to keep my little boy safe.

It shouldn’t be this hard…to keep my little boy safe. As the mum of a little boy with a food allergy to cow's milk, there is never a moment for an ‘off switch’. I am on constant high alert and this hit me particularly hard recently on a family holiday to Florida over the Easter holidays.

Just before the flight home, Jess began to get cold-like symptoms. Just a slight cough and a runny nose but I was watchful because in the past these have been early warning signs of an allergic reaction. Although I knew he hadn’t come into contact with any cow’s milk, I also knew it would be reckless of me to silence the gnawing possibility that it was an allergy. As we boarded the plane, my heart was thumping and I was physically shaking with fear.

What if Jess experienced delayed anaphylaxis which he has done in the past, but this time in an aeroplane over the Atlantic?

Should we purposely miss the flight?

I spent the next eight hours trying to calm my rising panic. I watched him intently for any signs of irregular breathing, a rash, unexplained tiredness, or any number of possible symptoms. I kept checking the plane travel map to see if it would be possible to do an emergency landing. It was the longest eight hours. It was a nighttime flight and as I looked around, all the other families were blissfully fast asleep.

Jess was hungry and although he had been offered a specially prepared dairy-free meal, I didn't dare give it to him. There wasn't a list of ingredients and I wasn't able to speak to the person who had prepared it - how could I be sure they understood the danger of even a trace amount of milk to Jess? So I gave him a jam sandwich from my bag that I had prepared for him should he need extra snacks on the flight and hoped it would be enough.

I should have been able to feel confident that the meal provided for Jess was safe - but I didn't.

I should have been able to feel confident that he would be treated appropriately in a medical emergency - but I didn't.

The past six years have taught me that the only way to keep Jess safe is to assume everything around him is unsafe. I can’t trust anything until I have risk assessed, ask the questions, checked, double-checked, asked and checked again. Too many times, by doing just this, has prevented Jess from serious hospitalisations.

It shouldn’t be this hard…to keep my little boy safe.

Thank you @‌natashasfoundation for giving our family information, support, community and hope for a brighter future.

Billie @butterfieldgreenhouse