Twenty-First Birthday Thoughts
Today, on what would have been Natasha's 21st Birthday, her mother Tanya writes in memory of her daughter.
I’m sitting at Natasha’s desk in her bedroom, it’s where I like to work surrounded by all her things. Today, the 16th December is her birthday and had she lived, she would be twenty-one years old. Five whole years have passed, an eternity since I last held her in my arms, hugging her too quickly at the airport - how I wish I had held on for just a little longer.
I remember her past birthdays, such special days, arriving with so much anticipation, laughter and love. My mind drifts to the day she was born, tiny and perfect, a lifetime of birthdays to look forward to.
I used to watch her sleep when she was a baby, just a few months old and try to imagine what her life would be like. What would she look like, what would be her passions in life, would she have a family one day, would she travel the world, would life be good to her?
These questions would recur in my mind from time to time throughout her childhood, but I could never hold onto an image in my mind’s eye, her future remained a mystery to me.
Over the years we discovered her childhood passions for animals, especially horses, she had the sweetest singing voice, was a gifted artist and sculptor, she excelled at figure-skating, her kooky sense of humour would crack us up in seconds, she was a loyal friend to many, a loving daughter, granddaughter and sister. She was our everything.
Grief does not allow the question to be asked, ‘But what would she be like now?’ and yet, today I feel compelled to ask this question.
I picture her face, remember the sound of her laugh, feel the joy of being around her. But with all that I know of who she was, the answer to the question continues to elude me, like a mist I can’t grab hold of and look at properly no matter how hard I try.
Her friends are all starting to turn twenty-one. They are kind and beautiful people, embracing their lives as I believe she would be doing too. I look at them and wonder if this is where I can catch a glimpse of what may have been. Maybe…
But grief is kind enough not to let me ponder on thoughts such as these for too long.
Familiar pain rises, tightening my throat and my eyes sting with hot tears. I switch my mind away quickly, cut short those thoughts before I gasp a silent cry that catches in my throat – I cannot go there, it’s too painful, I think it always will be whether it’s five years or fifty.
Today instead, I will think of her legacy - of what her young life means to so many. I hope that through our campaigning and the sharing of our life stories, we can chip away at the issues that so desperately need to be addressed. Through funding medical research, we can turn the dial and finally relegate allergies to history. It’s a bold ambition I know, but Natasha was bold.
Here lies the answer to my question. Natasha was bold, she was brave and she was beautiful. Had she lived, she would be bold, brave and beautiful today.
In Natasha’s honour we are asking you to support The Natasha Allergy Research Foundation, her legacy. Donations will:
* Fund vital allergy medical research
* Raise awareness of the needs of the food allergy community through campaigning and education.
* Give a voice to those living with allergic disease.
* Campaign for necessary policy changes.
Natasha would be so proud of the legacy she has left. Everyone at Natasha's Foundation is determined to make allergy history in her name. Thank you so much for joining us in this mission.